Sunday, March 21, 2010

A Gym Rant #2 or Pants on the Ground

I didn't think another incident would happen that I would blog about from the gym, but alas, I have more material. Soooo.....last week, I had just finished my super strenuous, athlete in training workout when I walked in to the Women's Locker Room. Now, I am not naive that there is better than a 50% chance that I will see nudity when I walk in there. I am not offended by nudity, since I have seen so much of it, and at least 90% of it has been unattractive nudity (you guessed it, Blake is the other 10%), so there is little nudity that shocks me. Which is what happened when I walked in to the locker room. I came around the corner, and there was a woman, probably in her 20s, with her pants halfway down, or halfway up, depending if you are an optimist or a pessimist, so she was nekked from her midriff to her midthighs. Uh, yeah. But that isn't why I was appalled. I was horrified at what she was doing, standing up, nekked. She was texting! I don't know of one phone call, text, letter in the mail, or loud speaker announcement, that would cause me to stop pulling my pants up! Seriously, uncalled for. But that is what this generation is turning into. The text vs. common decency.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Signs that Spring is Here (in Phoenix)

The signs of spring in Phoenix are quite different than living in Utah. Here are some that I have noticed.
#1 Rattle snake calls are up.
#2 I pay a lot more attention to the pool (Side note-I fixed the pool pump! It had stumped the husband, but I did it).
#3 Orange blossoms fragrant the air.
#4 I wear a short sleeve shirt and pants, instead of a long sleeve shirt and pants. No shorts yet, silly. That's not till it's above 95.
#5 Baby quail. Cute!
I'm so glad that it's warming up. I have been cold for four months. I mean chilly willy. I don't expect any sympathy from any really cold weather people, but I am so glad that I don't have to bundle up to go outside. I was seriously perturbed that I had to put a jacket on to go outside. There's no way now (I hope) that it will dip below a high of 75.

Friday, March 12, 2010

A Gym Rant

No, not a gym rat, a gym RANT. That's what I am about to do. Picture the scene, if you will. This AM, I chose to go to the gym, because I knew that I would be at the 6th grade Greek Olympics during the day, and didn't have time to hit the treadmill at home, and since I have officially started training to hike the Grand Canyon North Rim over Memorial Day weekend with Kevin, I thought it would be a good idea to do the Stairmaster for as long as the time allowed (20 minutes-would love to sneak in longer, but there are only two Stairmasters at the gym, and I don't like to get in trouble. I also like to follow rules. You can ask Emily, who I made tell me which side of me she was planning on running during the marathon, and she stuck to it. It was the left side of me, by the way). So.....the Stairmaster is quite an intense cardio workout, so I had worked up quite a sweat, but didn't feel like I had gotten all of the cardio that I wanted, so I moved on to the elliptical machine. There are 12 at the gym, 2 downstairs, 10 upstairs. I chose the one closest to the fan, and turned the fan on, because I was sweating, and once I got going on the elliptical, I was sweating like a pig hiking out of the Grand Canyon in the middle of July. It was at this point that an older gentleman came up to me and asked me if I needed the fan on. I said "You can turn it off if you need to." Which he did. Then he chose an elliptical machine the FARTHEST (or furthest- I may get corrected here) away from the fan, and left me there to sweat so much, that I pictured an apparatus to collect the sweat, much like a rain gauge. Kevin asked me why I didn't just get off and turn the fan back on. I didn't want to break my rhythm. Where was Julie when I needed her? Gillette, I mean, not Taylor, because, even though Julie is of unusually small size, she can pack a punch. If anyone has a wittier response than "I'm sweating like a pig here, you choose" let me know. I am open to suggestions.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

It could be Hazardous to your Ears to have a Nurse as a Friend

Just ask Emily. She was the victim of a visual that only a nurse can paint. Kevin learned very early on in our marriage that if I ever said "Guess what happened at work today?", he would halt the conversation right then and there. He has learned that if the conversation starts drifting into nursing territory, that I get the eye that means "Please don't say another word." Too bad for Emily she doesn't know this yet, even though she should have had a clue when I told her that story about Lisa Long from college, when she and I were running the marathon, and I told her about when Lisa had some sputum in her throat and mistakenly said that she had some scrotum in her throat (bet you can't have a little tickle in your throat and not think about that). So, when she got on the subject of her "lady" issues and I inquired about the physicality of her husband as it related to her, which, of course, to me, opens the door for talking about, you know, the "shar pei" look. I had to spell it out for her, because, despite the fact that I was attempting to be delicate, she just wasn't getting it (if you are not getting it either, please, let me know. There are certain words that I don't want to put on the blog). I also used the analogy of a man trying to put a turtleneck on. I think this sent her over the edge. Little does she know that I have A LOT more up my sleeve. Imagine if I worked in the ER. That is like a gold mine for party stories, all of which are told with complete anonymity for HIPPA reasons. I haven't even told her about the man with the elephantitis issue.